The real beauty of global climate change is that it has become the central tenet in a unified theory of all knowledge. It explains everything—including both ends of assorted polar opposites.

Writing at the Heritage Foundation’s “The Foundry,” Conn Carroll asks, “Global Warming—Is There Anything It Can’t Do?”

Carroll notes that International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge, faced with a snow drought at the Vancouver Games has the culprit in the crosshairs: there’s no snow because of global warming.

Meanwhile, reporting on what we snowbound folk in Washington, DC are calling Snowmageddon, Carroll writes, “Time is reporting: ‘Snowstorm: East Coast Blizzard Tied to Climate Change.’”

“But do not confuse this headline,” Carroll urges us, “with Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s column from two years ago claiming that global warming was causing “anemic winters” in the Washington region.”

Carroll goes on:

No snow, too much snow. It does not matter to the enviroleft crowd. For them, global warming always is to blame. That is the whole reason the movement made a deliberate decision earlier this decade to stop calling it “global warming” and start calling it “climate change.” That way they could expand the universe of terrible things they could plausibly blame on global warming. One British citizen even maintains a comprehensive list of everything the enviroleft has tried to blame on global warming including: Atlantic ocean less salty, Atlantic ocean more salty, Earth slowing down, Earth spinning faster, fish bigger, fish shrinking, and (most importantly) beer better, beer worse.

It’s all rather funny and would be even funnier except for the price-tag. Carroll notes two things about “climate change” that we know for sure:

…the cap-and-trade system in Europe is completely failing to reduce carbon emissions; the cap-and-trade system proposed here in the United States would do nothing to affect global temperatures, but would do trillions of dollars of damage to the U.S. economy.

Kind of spoils the fun, doesn’t it.